What does the fox say?
by littleblackcatty
Summary: When the Company of Thorin Oakenshield are travelling through Mirkwood, they come across a peculiar sight... Crack!fic, Oneshot and completely random. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HOBBIT OR YLVIS


**I couldn't resist...I saw this picture and I knew I had to write about it. Check it out, it made me rofl!**

** . **

**The song is "What does the fox say" by Ylvis. My first sort of parody fic, so bear with me!**

* * *

The Company of Thorin Oakenshield had been trekking for days. Without food, without water and without any idea of what lay in the dark forest of Mirkwood. Bilbo had been sent to scurry to the top of trees to find out how long it was going to take before they came out of this "accursed forest", but Bilbo could only see trees stretching endlessly in all directions.

And if that wasn't enough, Bombur had fallen into an enchanted river and almost drowned. When they had managed to fish him out, he was fast asleep. Now they were famished, parched, lost and burdened with a very heavy sleeping dwarf.

Bilbo thought they had lost all hope.

Suddenly, he saw a light, burning brightly through the tree trunks. He quickly warned the others.

"I see lights!" he whispered. "Maybe we can find help to get out of Mirkwood."

The dwarves quickly agreed, and they creeped through the tree trunks, heading towards the source of light. As they neared, they saw it was a massive bonfire, right in the middle of a small clearing. And dancing around it were…

"Elves." Thorin said quietly with disgust. "Miserable, vile…" he began letting off a string of curses in Khuzdul that were too rude to be translated and put onto paper.

The elves were dancing around the fire, holding up peculiar shaped glasses that gleamed dully in the firelight. One elf had what looked like a crown of autumn leaves perched on top of his head. He was sitting on a log, his back turned to them as he watched the elves dance. The elves also had a roast boar being slowly turned on a spit above the fire. The scent wafted towards the Company, and Bilbo's stomach grumbled.

He couldn't take it any longer. He approached the edge of the clearing, to the hissed protests of the dwarves.

"Err… excuse me." He felt rather foolish. "Excuse me!"

The elves stopped dancing. All of the elves except the one sitting on the log turned to look at him.

"Omg," one of them whispered to his neighbour. "It's a hobbit."

"I heard they throw marvellous parties." Another said.

"Erm… Could I have some food?" he said hesitantly. _These elves are weird_. "My friends and I are starving, and we need a meal."

"Are you sure you're not coming to gate crash?" One elf began snapping his fingers in a peculiar manner as he spoke.

"What does that mean?" he baffled.

"LOL! He doesn't know what it means!" The elves began slapping hands and squealing.

"Take me to your leader!" Bilbo squeaked.

"Our leader?" said an elf. He had a strange hat shaped like a cone on his head. "He ain't our leader; he's our king, gurl!"

"_The_ Party King." another said.

"He's met Lady Gaga."

"Lady who-ha?" Bilbo was getting extremely confused. "Where is your king!?"

"Here." said a melodious voice. The elf on the log turned around. His long, blonde hair swept over his shoulders as he sat, poised, with a glass in his hand. He had a bizarre green object covering his eyes. His long, silver dress shimmered in the firelight as he spoke.

"What do you want?" he asked in a bored voice. "I know you're there, skulking in the shadows, little dwarves."

The elves behind him began making strange noises.

"Boo!"

"Hiss!"

"Eww!"

The Party King held his hand up, and the noises ceased. "My name is Thranduil. What is your business here?"

"We seek food, shelter and a way out of this place." Bilbo replied with cold politeness.

"Well…" he started. "That's not for me to decide. What does the fox say?"

Suddenly, glowing sticks appeared in the ground. The elves all suddenly had furry black ears. Bilbo yelled in shock and terror and scampered back to the dwarves. Thranduil suddenly appeared in front of the elves, wearing a pair of red, furry ears on his head, and wearing a red furry vest. There was also a red, furry tail stuck to his backside. A disco ball appeared above them, and multi-coloured lights shone from the trees behind the elves.

"Ring-ding-ding-ding!" Thranduil shouted in a high pitched voice. "Dingeringeding!"

The dwarves and Bilbo watched in wide-eyed horror.

"What is this devilry!?" Dwalin growled. Dori had put his hands over Ori's eyes.

Thranduil then disappeared in a puff of purple smoke. Then he reappeared in an armchair, holding a large book. An elf was sitting in his lap, looking shocked.

"Dad! What the-"he shouted.

"Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!" Thranduil said, taking no notice of the elf sitting in his laps. "Tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!"

"What does the fox say!" he shouted.

"ARGH!" Bilbo sat up in his blankets.

"Bilbo! What's wrong!?" Thorin was looking at him anxiously.

Bilbo checked his surroundings. Sunlight was filtering through the trees that surrounded Beorn's house, and through the window. The other dwarves were staring at him.

He shook his head. "It's nothing. Just a bad dream."

"Hmmm…" Thorin didn't look convinced. "It's time to wake up anyway. Gandalf just told us where we are heading next."

"Yes." Bilbo turned around to see Gandalf peering down at him. "We are to travel through Mirkwood."

Bilbo's stomach plummeted.


End file.
